Skinny by December

So, I am going to participate in project thin's second challenge.  It will last 14 days.  It starts on November 21st and ends on December 4th.

My goal is to lose 10lbs.  I will be cutting my notmal calorie intake by 400 calls (shooting for 500).  I am going to be drinking more water/tea and absolutely NO FAST FOOD.

I will post most of my updates on www.project-thin.com but you can follow me on twitter @skydeity to have a better idea of how I am doing.

I will post an update here either at the half point in the challenge and at the end.

Wish me luck and think thin.

On being a victim

Tuesday was my day off and my boyfriend had the next day off so we decided to go out to eat and then buy some drinks to enjoy at home while watching a silly movie with the dogs.  We took the back roads towards the West side, the drive was beautiful but cold.  We ate the tacos we had been craving and since we were close to the store, ran a couple errands. After a couple hours we went back home.
He parked the car in the dark parking log.  I remember noticing how dark it was for the time of day.  I figured that just like at work, the lights might be timed and that they would come on soon.  
I opened the front door and when I turned back to hold the door open for my boyfriend, since he was carrying our purchases on both hands, I noticed Nisha watching us.  She came in and I picked her up.  She shivered, from the cold I guessed, but finding her out front put us in alert mode.
We quickly but carefully walked towards my apartment door.  My BF was ahead of me and I saw that the door was open but locked with the door chain.  We got closer to peak into the apartment through the opening and we saw the patio door open.  My first thought was, "I hope my ex didn't take Nico."  That was my BF's first reaction too but he soon noticed that there were things missing so he said, "We've been robbed." 
He went out the back door to come in to the apartment from the patio door.  He opened the front door and I walked in with Nisha in my arms.  She was still shaking.  I noticed Nico wasn't there and checked the puppies. They were in the kitchen but they were very quiet and observing us carefully.
My my boyfriend told me to call the police while he went outside to try to find Nico.  I called 911 and while I was giving the operator my location I saw my BF walk through the patio door with Nico.  The dog hadn't been too far from our building.  He was shaking, this time I knew he was scared. The operator told me that a cop would arrive soon.  While we waited we walked around the apartment trying to do a quick visual inventory.  My television was gone and so were both our laptops.  They went through my stuff in the bedroom but nothing was taken.  The burglar had cut through the screen in the bedroom window and opened the window.  It must have been one person because what was taken wasn't very significant.  
I knocked on my neighbors doors to see if they had heard or seen anything out of the ordinary. They all told me that they hadn't noticed anything. 
When the cop arrived he asked us a few questions, he went over the apartment taking pictures and dusting for prints.  Then I noticed my wallet was gone.  He suggested we checked the pawn store up the road in the next few days to see if our items turned up there. After answering a few of our questions he gave me his card, packed his camera and print kit and left.
After the cop left we just sat there looking around each of us holding a dog.  I felt raped. I was upset. I was relieved that my dogs were safe.  


I am baffled at the burglar's stupidity and lack of planning.  How can someone risk going to jail and only take a couple old laptops and a small TV? How could nobody see or hear anything strange? Why wouldn't my dogs come back inside after the burglar was gone? I have questions and I know they will never be answered.  I don't think we will recover any of our things.  


To the person doing this: "man up man! you're a pretty lame burglar and I pity you. Why don't you just get a job like the rest of us." 

Finding a gift for a guy that has it all

It's getting close to my anniversary and I would like to give my boyfriend a nice gift. I have been thinking about it for a couple weeks and I still can't decide what I should give him.

I would like it to be something useful but tasteful. Romantic but manly and nice but simple.

Since I don't have any solid ideas, I would like to ask you, what would you give your boyfriend for your one year anniversary gift? And if you are a guy, what would you like your girlfriend to give you for your one year anniversary?

Help me, please!

The battle

"You need to stop getting angry," you said.
- Well...it just so happens that you need to learn that my feelings get hurt quickly and the second person in this world who can really hurt me, after my mom, is you.
Don't you see that I worry that I don't look good enough for you? That this fat body is taking over me? Do you know that I have been fighting his war since before I was a teenager? That just because it is easy for you, it doesn't make it easy for me?
I try to compensate in other areas but I don't know if that is enough.
The real question is... can you accept me now?

Staying in Wisconsin for a little longer.. for now

 About the first week of August:

This week has been a rollercoaster of emotions.

It all started a few weeks ago when I went to Georgia for work and for a job interview.  I loved the center manager and I liked the center enough to see myself working there.  I went to that interview with all I have and I impressed Mrs. D.  Working there I realized how easy I have it at this job in Wisconsin. I think that one of the things that set me apart is that I really like my job.  When most people dread going to work, I simply look forward to the daily tasks and working my my amazing team.  I like everyone in a professional level.  Like at any other company there are things that don't match well with our own personal interests and there are people who sometimes rub us the wrong way but I always keep in mind that it is work and I don't choose who I work with.  I think that is the biggest challenge at work because, to an extent, we do choose where we work but, unless you are a hiring manager, you don't choose who you are going to work with, and that can cause some conflict.
Getting back on track.  I have wanted an opportunity to grow professionally for a while and while I never expected to get the job in GA, I felt like I needed to apply for that position.
Not everything in life revolves around money but it matters to a certain extent.  I was disappointed with the offer but I was still interested in a professional level.  I feared that if I didn't take it that I would be stuck at this position for a long time.  I had never rejected a job offer before but this time it was different.  I have put a lot of effort in to building a safe and balanced environment for myself.  I don't long to leave Madison like I did last year and it is mainly due to the great group of friends I have. I don't think I am prepared to leave it all behind.
Also, there is Nisha's pregnancy.  Her puppies are going to be born soon and I need to raise them before they can go to their new homes.  Due to this last reason, as I was prepared to leave friends and family behind, I requested two months to move to GA.  My request was denied and I rejected their job offer.

It has been a couple weeks since and I am happy with my decision.  I know I made the right decision and I look forward to future opportunities that I may have whether they are in Madison or in a different state.  I learned that I will not give up my life for an offer that doesn't live up to my standards and while the opportunity was good for my professional growth, it did nothing for my personal happiness.

I feel like I have learned a lot in the last year and the most important lesson is to identify what is really important to me.  Today that is my friends and family.  The whole package keeps me sane and happy.  I didn't realize how lucky I was until I considered the possibility of being completely alone in a new city.

Dreams in the last week

I have been having really strange dreams lately.  I am not sure what is wrong with me.  I am not even thinking about such things during my conscious hours.  Why are these thoughts coming out while I sleep?  Last night I dreamed that I was getting married to my current boyfriend.  The dream involved my mother planning a last minute wedding where apparently my diseased grandfather was supposed to attend. I looked up the meaning of this dream and some of the options don't match so here is the part that would most closely apply to me with ony one change... I am not married but I am in a committed relationship.

To dream that you are getting married to your current spouse again represents your wedded bliss and happiness. It highlights your strong commitment to each other. It may also signify a new phase (such as parenthood, new home, etc) that you are entering in your life.�

 Since my boyfriend moved in with me about two weeks ago, I am going to assume that this dreams signifies that new phase in our life.

If someone had told me last year that I would be this happy today... I would have told them that they were crazy.  Time does heal all wounds and love exists even for those of us who are broken.

checking in

There have been so many things that I have been feeling lately.  Last week was difficult but I survived it.  When I have the mental clarity to write about it then I will.  Right now I feel like it's too close and I would fail at being objective.  I will say that the decisions I made and the things I've gained/lost because of those decisions are well worth it as I am very happy right now.  I will say that all of those feelings and thoughts have to do with work and love and the babies that will come any time soon :)

back to reality

So, I just thought of something... my boyfriend is going home tomorrow for a few hours to see his family because he won't be able to be there for the 4th of July.  I am off on Friday... wouldn't it have been a good time to introduce me to his family?  hmm unless he has no intention of ever doing that and in that case... I am obviously not as important as I thought I was.  It could be that there is too much going on and it probably wouldn't be the best time to introduce me to them.

Now, I just thought of something else... while we were hanging out downtown on Sunday we saw some of his friends from school.  He didn't introduce me as his girlfriend.  I wonder why?

I think I have been crating a picture in my mind of what our relationship is without being realistic. I need to be more careful.  I don't want to hurt again.  I am not sure if he realizes how much pain he could inflict on me with one word or with one gesture.

I never thought that I would feel this way about someone.  I want a future... with him but I don't know if that is feasible. I guess if I knew how he feels about me, it would make things easier...

I haven't seen him since Monday and while I thought I was fine I find myself missing him tonight.

I need to grow up.

Another milestone

Yesterday me and my boyfriend celebrated our 8 month anniversary.  I am extremely happy.  I never thought that I could have a healthy relationship and I never imagined that someone would want to be with me and just me.  I didn't post about the previous months because while important, they were not unique.  We have had our past relationships and they've had different lengths of time.  For me, the state of utter happiness in which I am right now has never lasted more than a few months into the relationship so the 8 month carries special significance.  This is the first time that I can say that I've been happy for the whole length of a relationship.

I have to admit that I am afraid to lose this wonderful man I have.  I am afraid that he will get bored.  I wish I knew if he will ever love me.  I suppose that worrying about it only shows how insecure I still am about myself.  My previous relationship really caused deep wounds that are barely healed even though it has been two years already.

I think the best thing is to take one day at a time.  Right now.  I couldn't be happier.

the unhealthy way...

So I finally succumbed to my boyfriend's weight loss plan.  I have to say that at the beginning it seemed extremely unhealthy and against everything that I have been fighting for but as I reduced my food intake and lost weight I realized that my metabolism is extremely slow and that for me it is impossible to eat like other people.  Sometimes we have to find our own way depending on our bodies.  My body is strange.  I only eat twice a day and I hardly ever eat a snack and I have been losing weight.  I have lost 5 pounds in the last month.  I am looking forward to losing the next two because that will put me at my weight from two years ago.   Nothing will stop me this year.  I will get to my desired weight...

losing weight

I got sick one day before my interview in Milwaukee.  It was May 4th.  I have not really worked out regularly since that week.  It has been three weeks now.  This time I lost my appetite and after I recovered I kept eating the same way.  Then I had to make some difficult money choices and I guess at the time, the best choice was to NOT spend money on food.  I have been eating canned food (soup or tuna with vegetables and mayo) and oatmeal at work.  I have not been taking my CTS360 because I was hoping to get back into my normal workout and eating plan but the impossible happened last week.  I lost 3 pounds bringing me to a solid 182lbs.  That is the lowest I've been able to be in probably over a year.  It is because of that that I have decided to continue with the same eating pattern and I will resume taking the pills. Right now I am 20 pounds away from my desired weight so I will keep working on it.

Suplementos alimenticios part deux

So I have been taking the CTS360 for a few weeks now.  It has been about one month and I think it's helped me burn off some fat. I got rid of 1 inch off my waist though you can't really tell.  It really helps me to suppress my appetite.  I didn't take my pills today and my meals were a complete mess.  I actually feel like I have been doing very well in the last month.  I am training constantly and making healthy choices.  Now, the problem I have is with how slowly I am burning the fat... When I watch my boyfriend lose weight extremely quickly, it just makes me feel bad about myself.

Suplementos alimenticios

Después de tratar por algunas semanas de dormir 8 horas, tomar 2 litros de agua al día y de comer 5 comidas al día puedo concluir que aunque suene fácil en realidad no lo es.  Lentamente he podido mejorar mi consumo de agua y hasta las horas que duermo pero comer balanceadamente y las 5 comidas al día ha sido extremadamente difícil.  He regresado a mi peso normal.  No he subido ni bajado y eso me molesta un poco.  Cabe tomar en cuenta que estuve enferma la semana pasada y solo salí a correr un día.  Esta semana empezó un poco lenta.  Mis niveles de energía no están donde deberían y como consecuencia pues no he ido al gimnasio.  El lunes en el trabajo me di cuenta de que estaba a punto de terminarme mis pastillas de Abdominal Cuts y empece a buscar otros productos similares.  He escuchado de Complete Nutrition en la radio y decidí investigar mas acerca de sus productos.  Abdominal cuts es un buen producto pero yo quería algo que me diera mas energía.  Ayer antes del trabajo me pare en la tienda de Complete nutrition y después de una platica breve con el vendedor acabe comprando tres tipos de pastillas.  Supuestamente esta combinación me va a ayudar a controlar mi peso y ayudarme a eliminar la grasa específicamente en mi estomago, piernas y trasero.  Los productos que compre son: CTS360 clinical (desayuno), CTS360 Advanced (comida) y el Tone (desayuno y comida).  El ultimo es similar a Abdominal Cuts pero aparentemente tiene algunos ingredientes mas que ayudan no solo a perder peso pero a ser saludable.  Ayer en la noche tome el CTS30 advanced con mi comida.  No se si van a funcionar pero espero que si.  Es hora de iniciar el entrenamiento de mi próximo 10K y continuar con el entrenamiento del triatlon de distancia olímpica.  Espero que con los suplementos, comiendo sanamente, durmiendo suficiente y tomando el agua necesaria podre perder el exceso de peso que tengo finalmente.

Another day of life - Un día mas de vida

As I was watching the Oscar nominated movie “The kids are Alright” I started to stumble upon random websites since it seems like I need to be doing at least a couple things at a time when I’m home alone.  I found a couple websites that had to do with living a happy and healthy lifestyle.  I have been working on those two for a few years and it takes some work if you don’t have a strong base.  I feel that now I have built that base and that I don’t have to overanalyze what I eat, how much I work out or whether or not I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing to be who I want to be.  The problem is that, even with all of those changes and improvements that I've made to my lifestyle in the last few years I am still not the person I want to be.  I am going to take this time to make a couple adjustments to my training program and my diet to truly achieve the results I want.  There is nothing I can say to justify the lack of visual results.  I feel great and I am getting stronger but I am not losing inches nor weight and that is not a part of my plan.  So here it goes.  Starting tomorrow I am going to make 3 fundamental changes to my daily routine and I will revise by the end of March.

1. Sleep 8 hours during the week.  Sleep more on the weekends (no work) if needed. This means that I can not deprive myself of sleep during the week.  I need to at least sleep 8 hours.  Some days I sleep as few as 4 hours and some days I overcompensate by sleeping 12.  This is inconsistent and doesn’t allow my metabolism to work efficiently.
2.  Drink 2 liters of water every day.  Seems like a no brainer but even when I train at the gym for more than one hour I don’t see myself drinking nearly enough water.
3.  Eat 3 meals a day with at least two small snacks in between meals and/or after working out on workouts that are longer than 90 minutes (anything less doesn’t require any additional nutrition – calories should be consistent and enough with the other 5 meals of the day). Also no eating after work since I am going to go to bed within one hour of getting home, there is not enough time to digest anything ingested after midnight.

To accomplish my plan I am going to set my alarm for 8 hours after I fall asleep.  I am using an app called white noise lite. I have to eat breakfast within an hour of waking up. I am going to try to work out at a time closer to my wake up time rather than in the afternoon before work.  I need to drink at least 500 mL of water with each meal and at least 250 mL of water with each snack (total 2 lts a day) anything over that is a plus.  On the days that I start work at or after 3pm I am going to eat breakfast and Lunch before work or at least breakfast and a snack then lunch by 5, snack by 7 or 8 pm and dinner (soup) by 10 pm.  After work I will give myself about one hour to unwind and I should be in bed no later than 1:15pm and hopefully I’ll be falling asleep around 1:30am.  That gives me a wake up time of 9:30-10am; breakfast by 11am; work out by 11:30am; relax from 1pm to 3pm (watch movies, read, play with the dogs, eat a light meal or a snack) then work.

On the days that I work the mid shift I will REST but still needs to drink 2 L of water, and consume 5 meals a day.  Sleeping time can be the same.

I think this is a good strategy.  I am also going to take Abdominal cuts regularly and I will write something about that in a couple months after I have evaluated whether or not they work for me.

My goals: to run a 8 min mile (flat) by the end of the spring.  I want to be able to lift myself up by September and I want to lose at least 5 lbs per month with a total weight loss of 25lbs in the next 5 months.

It’s 1:40am… past my bed time.  

Running in circles

It feels like the old times but there is nothing like it.
I am experiencing similar feelings but the experiences are different.

On the outside, nothing is the same… can I still be the same on the inside?

I am so afraid to fall again. To hurt my body when I hit the ground, to open up my scars and let the wounds bleed once again.

It’s like I’m running in circles without being able to find a door that will take me to the place where I can breathe.




Can I find the door?



                       Will I be strong enough to cross to the other side?

                                                                                        More importantly…



can I be happy and still be me?

Base training week 2

So far it has been easy to get back into consistent training but this week I only did weight training once.  I have a feeling that I am going to struggle all season with getting my weight training days in.  It must have to do with my mindset when I do such thing.  I did not have a problem with the cardio.  Running felt good, nothing hurt and my time was decent.  Swimming was a little arrhythmic but since I haven’t been swimming consistently I expected it to take longer to find my zone.  Biking has been going extremely well.  I feel that soon I will be able to challenge myself more… maybe a spinning class?

The training was scheduled for 6 days of the week but I only did 5.  I lost half a pound and I struggled a little during the weekend with healthy food choices. 

I really need a new swimming suit and new running shoes.  I hope to get those in the next two weeks so that swimming is a little more enjoyable when I am not worried about my swimming suit falling off. 

I am glad to have a very supportive network of friends this year.  I think that this will be my best year yet (as long as I keep training consistently) and a great part of it is the accountability factor.  When everyone is expecting me to go to the gym then I can’t talk myself into not going.  A couple of days I was too sore and I felt like I was getting sick but a couple people keep me going.  I am thankful for these people in my life.  We just started but I know that this season will really test our dedication for the sport and for a healthier lifestyle.

I look forward to week 3.  The last week of base training.  I am not working too hard on endurance since base training’s main goal is to build a strong aerobic base to handle the training sessions ahead.  I think that I’ve accomplished that goal and next will be increasing intensity to build strength and endurance.

Olympic tri… here we go.

Base Training Week 1

So the time has come to get ready for that Olympic triathlon.  I thought I would never try a longer distance but the 10K’s I did last year and the 32 mile ride left me wanting more and I think the best way to do it is by training for a triathlon.  I have 3 weeks of base training and on the 23rd of January I start my 20 week training program for the Olympic triathlon.  I’m going to be doing the Capital View Tri this year.  From now till then I have the Frosty 5k on February 19th and the Madison Marathon 1/4 Marathon on May 29th.  Then it’s the Capital View Triathlon on June 12th, the Madison Mini Marathon (1/2) on Aug 20th, Figure 8 the lakes on Aug 27th, Warrior Dash on Sept 17th, and the Haunted hustle marathon (1/2) on October 29th.

Week 1 went well.  Got a couple days off.  Had a nice 30 min swim, a 5 mile run, a couple days of strength training and a nice 50 min bike workout.  All of them indoors at the gym.  Right now the focus is to get in the habit of working out at least 6 days a week again, running, biking, and swimming consistently and lifting weights. Last year I did not find a balance between cardio and weights so this year’s goal is to make sure I’m getting some weight training in along with everything else.

Diet is not strict at this point, just making healthier choices and avoiding eating out and fatty snacks.