Get rid of your old shoes forever

LiveJournal Tags: breakup,moving on,love,breaking up,heartache,relationships,couples,single,longing,understanding,happiness

Relationships are not complicated.  People are complicated and in their uncertain worlds they attribute such complications to their relationships when in reality the origin rests within themselves. 

I’ve been trying to find a way to express my feelings about break ups and moving on but I am having a hard time finding the right words to convey my feelings and perceptions of this unique part of our lives without sounding judgmental or prejudiced. I think the easiest way is to just tell you what happened and how I feel about it and you can make your own mind.

To me nothing in a relationship can be assumed since people are complicated and we can’t presume to know what the other person is thinking or feeling at any given point.  We start out by choosing to go out on a few dates and if we like the other person enough we decide to keep seeing them to get to know them better.  After some time, and it could be a week or years, a new decision must be made… do we want to be in a relationship or do we keep things casual? that is when the titles boyfriend/girlfriend are given.  Then after some time if things work out and the now “couple” feels like they are ready to make the next commitment they can get engaged and then finally they get married and have kids and live happily ever after. 

So what happens when things don’t work out?  To me there is no going back.  Making the decision to be with someone should not be taken lightly and the decision to leave someone is even more important.  So when someone decides to leave their current partner it should be with the understanding that this is the end of the relationship as they know it.  There are reasons why it didn’t work out and why would anybody want to return to that? once you try a pair of shoes you thought looked great in the display but they didn’t fit properly when you tried them on… you don’t go back and keep trying the same shoes on in hopes that one day they will finally fit… we move on to the next pair until we find the perfect fit that will allow us to walk through life without getting hurt and more importantly without blisters…

What do you do if the shoe is stuck to your foot and doesn't want to come off? well we pull on it harder and once it comes off we throw it in the box and send it away to never see it again because in the struggle it hurt your feet more than it did when it was on and it hurt your toes.  We do not tell the shoe that we are trying on a different pair, a pair that looks beautiful and feels great.  We just send the old one away with the sales person to never see it again.  We don’t request it back and we definitely don’t buy it hoping it will fit later. 

I have thrown the old shoes away because they hurt my feet and even though we struggled for some time I finally got them off and I threw them in the box and sent them away to never request them back.  I will never touch those shoes again.  My feet have calluses from them and they will never fit properly again. 

I wonder if I’ll ever find another pair that will fit so perfectly…

I will never go back to the old pair… this I know in my heart.

 

I wish he knew that too…

 

MB

The Last Letter

Dear Mr. Crab,

It was nice to see you are doing well.  Even though your visit was unexpected, I must say I was glad that the dogs were able to spend some time with you. You also look in good health and in good spirits. 

I was very surprised by the way you announced your intentions to come over and the time of your visit.  I am very glad Miss K was there with me for it would have felt very inappropriate to welcome a visit so late at night.  It was uncomfortable to see how rude you were with my friend. 

I am very puzzled by your behavior in the last month but it is no longer my business to concern myself with your personal life.  It has been very difficult for me but I am finding a place for myself here.  When our relationship didn’t work I was afraid of what that might mean for me and my near future in the area but I am glad that I have very good friends that have been there for me when I’ve needed them the most. I also have met new people and I know I will be okay.

I don’t know if we can be friends.  You know how I feel about such things.  There are wounds that need to heal and it’s just a matter of time so let’s give each other that time.  I need that time, please.

Take care,

 

Miss Air.

Not quite there yet…

I am not sure what is happening to me.  I wish I could understand and classify my feelings but it is not an easy task.  Just a few weeks ago I was frustrated enough with Mr. Fish to end things for good. The first few weeks were torture for me.  If it wasn’t for my friend Miss K. I would have never kept this, whatever this is, going for such a long time. 

Two weeks ago all the frustration and confusion melted away.  Mr. Fish started to do everything I wanted him to do without me asking him to do any of it.  We started communicating better and more frequently.  This of course made me very happy because it made me feel like he was thinking of me as often as I thought about him.  Then last week, while at work, I noticed the sudden change in my mood and my perception of life and at first I was afraid because I was happy and I was being optimistic.  The part about being happy without a reason is what scared me the most but I couldn’t hide it.  When people asked me how I was, the only answer I could think of was “I’m happy.” So after a day of this I started connecting the dots and I got concerned.  Was  I falling in love with Mr. Fish?  Is that even possible?

Since then I’ve tried to avoid thinking about it, but today I couldn’t help it.  I have to think about it.  I try to take my mind off him and I can’t.  I am even afraid to seem too needy and it takes extra energy for me to not text him every time I think of him, which is too often for my own good, and so here I am blogging about it. 

A few weeks ago I confessed to Mr. Fish that this was the first time I dated a guy.  With Mr. Crab it was like a storm something you can’t predict but when it hits it can hit you hard. I fell madly in love with Mr. Crab and we never really dated.  Our relationship evolved very quickly and before anybody cold even guess at the depth of our feelings for each other, we were engaged to be married.  However, this is not a fairy tale, I cherish every moment I spent with him but the reality is that I suffered too much.  I don’t think I deserved to suffer but my bad decisions put me in that position.  I was naive and inexperienced which contributed to me putting myself in a place I never wanted to be in.  My life depended on one man and the thought of not having that man in my life was unbearable. Now I know there is more to life and I am glad I am experiencing new people and new relationships.

So back to Mr. Fish, I confessed to him that he was the first guy I had dated conventionally and that I was enjoying the experience of slowly learning about someone and getting to know them in person rather than electronically.  Which brings me to my point… has this been developing so slowly that I never noticed when I started caring about him?  When did it go from nothing to something? and what is that something?  I am not even sure how he feels about me.  Why am I getting this need to define something that has been working out without definition?

Something tells me I am just making things bigger in my mind than they actually are.  I don’t know why I do this but I tend to blow things out of proportion.  So, I guess I am going to continue to behave the same way… whatever we’re doing seems to be working and I see no reason why we should mess it up.  But then again, we’ll see how I feel tomorrow about it.

 

MB

My own rules

LiveJournal Tags: love,breakup,relationships,start over,dating,meeting people,rules,society

Dating is tricky… there are things that are often assumed but never clarified.  There are other things that are never assumed and tend to be clarified immediately.  Funny how we ignore some important things and we give room to less important matters.  So what is the right thing to do when you end a long term relationship? is there a certain amount of time that society rules you should be alone to heal from your wounds? is there a minimum time before one is allowed to start dating? once you start seeing someone… how long must you date before you define a serious relationship? Should you be friends with your ex? Are you slut if you decide you don’t want to date anybody exclusively for a while? if you jump into a relationship, should the guy feel like he’s the rebound guy or does he have a chance?

So many questions and so many more answers.  Every time I ask the same question to different people I get different answers.  Not that I will do whatever they say, because if I tried I’d contradict myself all the time, but, just to have an idea of what are some common ideas on the subject.  In the end I will do whatever feels right at the time because I believe that as human beings we have instincts that guide us in the direction we need to go to secure self preservation and to ensure the survival of our species. 

Because our world is not a safe place to live in we develop bonds with other human beings.  These bonds differ from one another but nonetheless they serve the same purpose… that as human beings we instinctively strive to live in communities to ensure the survival of our community. On a more personal level the human has to make sure his genetic information is passed on to the next generation and the best way to do it is to try to have as many offspring as possible.  Now here we face a problem… biology would dictate that it is in the best interest of the species for males and females to seek as many opportunities to reproduce.  This is whether you have the same partner or different partners.  While the female is pregnant it should be normal and expected for the male to go and find another woman to procreate with. However that does not work like that in our society.  Is it because we are shaped to believe these things from the moment we are capable of understanding and we are fed that idea of a “happy family”? or is there truly a better way to go about life? to believe in endless love and respect and to devote yourself to one person for the rest of your life.  

I am not entirely sure that is possible…