back to reality

So, I just thought of something... my boyfriend is going home tomorrow for a few hours to see his family because he won't be able to be there for the 4th of July.  I am off on Friday... wouldn't it have been a good time to introduce me to his family?  hmm unless he has no intention of ever doing that and in that case... I am obviously not as important as I thought I was.  It could be that there is too much going on and it probably wouldn't be the best time to introduce me to them.

Now, I just thought of something else... while we were hanging out downtown on Sunday we saw some of his friends from school.  He didn't introduce me as his girlfriend.  I wonder why?

I think I have been crating a picture in my mind of what our relationship is without being realistic. I need to be more careful.  I don't want to hurt again.  I am not sure if he realizes how much pain he could inflict on me with one word or with one gesture.

I never thought that I would feel this way about someone.  I want a future... with him but I don't know if that is feasible. I guess if I knew how he feels about me, it would make things easier...

I haven't seen him since Monday and while I thought I was fine I find myself missing him tonight.

I need to grow up.

Another milestone

Yesterday me and my boyfriend celebrated our 8 month anniversary.  I am extremely happy.  I never thought that I could have a healthy relationship and I never imagined that someone would want to be with me and just me.  I didn't post about the previous months because while important, they were not unique.  We have had our past relationships and they've had different lengths of time.  For me, the state of utter happiness in which I am right now has never lasted more than a few months into the relationship so the 8 month carries special significance.  This is the first time that I can say that I've been happy for the whole length of a relationship.

I have to admit that I am afraid to lose this wonderful man I have.  I am afraid that he will get bored.  I wish I knew if he will ever love me.  I suppose that worrying about it only shows how insecure I still am about myself.  My previous relationship really caused deep wounds that are barely healed even though it has been two years already.

I think the best thing is to take one day at a time.  Right now.  I couldn't be happier.

the unhealthy way...

So I finally succumbed to my boyfriend's weight loss plan.  I have to say that at the beginning it seemed extremely unhealthy and against everything that I have been fighting for but as I reduced my food intake and lost weight I realized that my metabolism is extremely slow and that for me it is impossible to eat like other people.  Sometimes we have to find our own way depending on our bodies.  My body is strange.  I only eat twice a day and I hardly ever eat a snack and I have been losing weight.  I have lost 5 pounds in the last month.  I am looking forward to losing the next two because that will put me at my weight from two years ago.   Nothing will stop me this year.  I will get to my desired weight...