Get rid of your old shoes forever

LiveJournal Tags: breakup,moving on,love,breaking up,heartache,relationships,couples,single,longing,understanding,happiness

Relationships are not complicated.  People are complicated and in their uncertain worlds they attribute such complications to their relationships when in reality the origin rests within themselves. 

I’ve been trying to find a way to express my feelings about break ups and moving on but I am having a hard time finding the right words to convey my feelings and perceptions of this unique part of our lives without sounding judgmental or prejudiced. I think the easiest way is to just tell you what happened and how I feel about it and you can make your own mind.

To me nothing in a relationship can be assumed since people are complicated and we can’t presume to know what the other person is thinking or feeling at any given point.  We start out by choosing to go out on a few dates and if we like the other person enough we decide to keep seeing them to get to know them better.  After some time, and it could be a week or years, a new decision must be made… do we want to be in a relationship or do we keep things casual? that is when the titles boyfriend/girlfriend are given.  Then after some time if things work out and the now “couple” feels like they are ready to make the next commitment they can get engaged and then finally they get married and have kids and live happily ever after. 

So what happens when things don’t work out?  To me there is no going back.  Making the decision to be with someone should not be taken lightly and the decision to leave someone is even more important.  So when someone decides to leave their current partner it should be with the understanding that this is the end of the relationship as they know it.  There are reasons why it didn’t work out and why would anybody want to return to that? once you try a pair of shoes you thought looked great in the display but they didn’t fit properly when you tried them on… you don’t go back and keep trying the same shoes on in hopes that one day they will finally fit… we move on to the next pair until we find the perfect fit that will allow us to walk through life without getting hurt and more importantly without blisters…

What do you do if the shoe is stuck to your foot and doesn't want to come off? well we pull on it harder and once it comes off we throw it in the box and send it away to never see it again because in the struggle it hurt your feet more than it did when it was on and it hurt your toes.  We do not tell the shoe that we are trying on a different pair, a pair that looks beautiful and feels great.  We just send the old one away with the sales person to never see it again.  We don’t request it back and we definitely don’t buy it hoping it will fit later. 

I have thrown the old shoes away because they hurt my feet and even though we struggled for some time I finally got them off and I threw them in the box and sent them away to never request them back.  I will never touch those shoes again.  My feet have calluses from them and they will never fit properly again. 

I wonder if I’ll ever find another pair that will fit so perfectly…

I will never go back to the old pair… this I know in my heart.

 

I wish he knew that too…

 

MB

The Last Letter

Dear Mr. Crab,

It was nice to see you are doing well.  Even though your visit was unexpected, I must say I was glad that the dogs were able to spend some time with you. You also look in good health and in good spirits. 

I was very surprised by the way you announced your intentions to come over and the time of your visit.  I am very glad Miss K was there with me for it would have felt very inappropriate to welcome a visit so late at night.  It was uncomfortable to see how rude you were with my friend. 

I am very puzzled by your behavior in the last month but it is no longer my business to concern myself with your personal life.  It has been very difficult for me but I am finding a place for myself here.  When our relationship didn’t work I was afraid of what that might mean for me and my near future in the area but I am glad that I have very good friends that have been there for me when I’ve needed them the most. I also have met new people and I know I will be okay.

I don’t know if we can be friends.  You know how I feel about such things.  There are wounds that need to heal and it’s just a matter of time so let’s give each other that time.  I need that time, please.

Take care,

 

Miss Air.

Not quite there yet…

I am not sure what is happening to me.  I wish I could understand and classify my feelings but it is not an easy task.  Just a few weeks ago I was frustrated enough with Mr. Fish to end things for good. The first few weeks were torture for me.  If it wasn’t for my friend Miss K. I would have never kept this, whatever this is, going for such a long time. 

Two weeks ago all the frustration and confusion melted away.  Mr. Fish started to do everything I wanted him to do without me asking him to do any of it.  We started communicating better and more frequently.  This of course made me very happy because it made me feel like he was thinking of me as often as I thought about him.  Then last week, while at work, I noticed the sudden change in my mood and my perception of life and at first I was afraid because I was happy and I was being optimistic.  The part about being happy without a reason is what scared me the most but I couldn’t hide it.  When people asked me how I was, the only answer I could think of was “I’m happy.” So after a day of this I started connecting the dots and I got concerned.  Was  I falling in love with Mr. Fish?  Is that even possible?

Since then I’ve tried to avoid thinking about it, but today I couldn’t help it.  I have to think about it.  I try to take my mind off him and I can’t.  I am even afraid to seem too needy and it takes extra energy for me to not text him every time I think of him, which is too often for my own good, and so here I am blogging about it. 

A few weeks ago I confessed to Mr. Fish that this was the first time I dated a guy.  With Mr. Crab it was like a storm something you can’t predict but when it hits it can hit you hard. I fell madly in love with Mr. Crab and we never really dated.  Our relationship evolved very quickly and before anybody cold even guess at the depth of our feelings for each other, we were engaged to be married.  However, this is not a fairy tale, I cherish every moment I spent with him but the reality is that I suffered too much.  I don’t think I deserved to suffer but my bad decisions put me in that position.  I was naive and inexperienced which contributed to me putting myself in a place I never wanted to be in.  My life depended on one man and the thought of not having that man in my life was unbearable. Now I know there is more to life and I am glad I am experiencing new people and new relationships.

So back to Mr. Fish, I confessed to him that he was the first guy I had dated conventionally and that I was enjoying the experience of slowly learning about someone and getting to know them in person rather than electronically.  Which brings me to my point… has this been developing so slowly that I never noticed when I started caring about him?  When did it go from nothing to something? and what is that something?  I am not even sure how he feels about me.  Why am I getting this need to define something that has been working out without definition?

Something tells me I am just making things bigger in my mind than they actually are.  I don’t know why I do this but I tend to blow things out of proportion.  So, I guess I am going to continue to behave the same way… whatever we’re doing seems to be working and I see no reason why we should mess it up.  But then again, we’ll see how I feel tomorrow about it.

 

MB

My own rules

LiveJournal Tags: love,breakup,relationships,start over,dating,meeting people,rules,society

Dating is tricky… there are things that are often assumed but never clarified.  There are other things that are never assumed and tend to be clarified immediately.  Funny how we ignore some important things and we give room to less important matters.  So what is the right thing to do when you end a long term relationship? is there a certain amount of time that society rules you should be alone to heal from your wounds? is there a minimum time before one is allowed to start dating? once you start seeing someone… how long must you date before you define a serious relationship? Should you be friends with your ex? Are you slut if you decide you don’t want to date anybody exclusively for a while? if you jump into a relationship, should the guy feel like he’s the rebound guy or does he have a chance?

So many questions and so many more answers.  Every time I ask the same question to different people I get different answers.  Not that I will do whatever they say, because if I tried I’d contradict myself all the time, but, just to have an idea of what are some common ideas on the subject.  In the end I will do whatever feels right at the time because I believe that as human beings we have instincts that guide us in the direction we need to go to secure self preservation and to ensure the survival of our species. 

Because our world is not a safe place to live in we develop bonds with other human beings.  These bonds differ from one another but nonetheless they serve the same purpose… that as human beings we instinctively strive to live in communities to ensure the survival of our community. On a more personal level the human has to make sure his genetic information is passed on to the next generation and the best way to do it is to try to have as many offspring as possible.  Now here we face a problem… biology would dictate that it is in the best interest of the species for males and females to seek as many opportunities to reproduce.  This is whether you have the same partner or different partners.  While the female is pregnant it should be normal and expected for the male to go and find another woman to procreate with. However that does not work like that in our society.  Is it because we are shaped to believe these things from the moment we are capable of understanding and we are fed that idea of a “happy family”? or is there truly a better way to go about life? to believe in endless love and respect and to devote yourself to one person for the rest of your life.  

I am not entirely sure that is possible…

Blindness

what would happen if one by one we all lost our sight? what would happen then if anybody who was blind were locked up in an isolated area? what if food were not enough for everybody and what if someone tried to take control of it?

Those questions are addressed in the movie "Blindness". The people in this movie had jobs, lives, education, purpose, hopes, dreams and freedom before they were blind and automatically locked up in a building. What happened inside that place could be described as horrific and unlikely but is it really?

What actions are identified as human nature and what is considered fiction? Would someone try to take control over the food? would someone want to take advantage of the situation and try to take people's possessions in exchange of food? since nobody has any money once their valuables are gone what do you think they will go for?

Survival is human nature but what does that entail? are we incapable of surviving without taking control over others? hurting, taking advantage or even killing each other?

No, I refuse to think of our kind as intolerable and cruel. Now the movie showed two different kinds of leadership... the tyrant (male) and the caretaker (female). This suggests that the difference in testosterone and estrogen in males and females has a deep impact on our actions and the way we react to stressful situations.

Would the world be a better place if women had the power or the simple fact of making them the powerful sex make them tyrants?

It's too soon to tell but I hope I get to see that before my time is done here...

infidelity

This is a work in progress so bear with me. After a long conversation with a friend I realized a few things (which might not be new but now I'm sure about them).
1) Infidelity is variable. It not only changes with time but also by geographic location.
2) Men understand that they need to eventually sleep with a different woman (no feelings involved) because it keeps them young.
3) Women believe that a man that sleeps with a different woman doesn't love her anymore.
4) Older men are more skilled in prioritizing and seeing the full picture. They do not risk a whole life with someone for a short term fling with a younger hotter thing.
5) When women cheat it is because their man is not taking care of her needs (emotionally or physically).

to be continued

Rom-Coms

There was a time when I loved rom-coms. I could watch them over and over. It didn't matter which one it was. My favorite of all times is "My best friend's wedding." But now I can't sit though one without getting emotional and wondering why I made the stupid mistake to sit though another cheesy love story.
I just watched "Ghosts of Girlfriends Past" and this may be weird but I identify more with Connor (Matthew McConaughey's character) than with the female lead. I am still hurting inside and even though I've made a lot of progress on the outside, I feel like the wound is still open and sometimes it bleeds.
The movie was entertaining and I enjoyed most of it. The only thing that I didn't like was the way in which they make it seem like love conquers all. It's the same idea with any rom-com and it is getting old. Real life is not like that and although I understand that we can't see rom-coms as anything even remotely close to the real world... it is bothersome to feel this way this hope that maybe it could be possible. How big is our individual chance of living a real life fairy tale? or better... how many real life fairy tales are we allowed in a lifetime and how long will they last?
I've lived one and it lasted a few months. I wouldn't change a second of it. That was the best few months of my life so far. Rom-com? hardly but maybe there is more if we are open to the possibilities, the question is do we really want to?

a little too late don't you think?

You can't even begin to understand what went on in the last 5 years and I can't blame it all on a 3rd party or a couple for that matter. You can't be sorry for something you don't understand. I don't even know why you would have interest in what I have to say or think. If it is amusing to you to read my blogs go ahead. That's why they are public. I just seems like I was the one who was lied to by everyone I loved and that is something that will always hurt but that is my problem and I deal with it. I don't need your pity. I don't think you are sorry. I've removed myself from everyone's lives... Now they can all live in their own little world without hurting me. I do what I can to be happy and I am sure you do the same. So good luck to you... I wish your family the best.

Danskin Tri 2009

Okay... this morning I woke up at 5:15am to go to my third Danskin Triathlon. Energy was great, I felt good... there were a few changes to the race and bike courses but I thought they were improvements. So during the swim leg it took me a while to find my rhythm in the water but I finally got it together and swam very comfortably. I felt like I had done a better job than in previous years. T1 was uneventful and the bike course was fun. A few rolling hills and it was mostly flat. I had a lot of fun during the second half and cruised at 20 miles per hour for the last 4 miles. When I arrived at T2 I felt strong and with energy. I tried to eat some banana but couldn't so I just put on my hat and drank some water. I started running and I felt good. My muscles were not giving me any issues and my feet (which were numb for most of the bike) were starting to get back to normal. My goal was to NOT walk and to keep running the whole way. I started at a slow pace and eventually changed to a faster pace but still comfortable. I only stopped once to chug some gatorade but kept running. It felt good to pass people. It was a new feeling since I am usually the one being passed by others. The temperature picked up a little bit but not to an extreme. I sprinted to the finish line and that felt amazing. Got my medal and returned my chip and then got my bottle of water which I almost chugged... then I got my picture taken and that's it... off to transition to get my bike.
During the race I felt good and strong for the most part. I did not get even close to my goal but I know that I can do better next year.


She Swims. She bikes. She runs. She Rox!!!!!

If men are complicated then women are impossible!!!

I've been single for about two months and during this time I have met a couple interesting guys. I enjoy their company and it is safe to assume they enjoy mine. Both are interesting in their own way and I feel good when I'm around them. My relationship with the first, let's call him Ed, is of need. Each of us has certain needs that the other can satisfy. I went into this relationship without expecting it to become anything more than a stress reliever but it has turned into a weird mess. Today I got upset because I realized that I am not part of Ed's life and yet he has become a part of mine. I've crossed the line and broken the boundaries that kept me safe at the beginning. Now I think of him all day and it upsets me when he ignores my messages. I am scared to think that I feel possessive of him when I shouldn't. I am pretty sure he doesn't care for me at all. He's never showed concern beyond that of a friend or an acquaintance. I know this feeling. I've experienced it before and I think it's dangerous. The problem is getting him out of my head.
Even Joe couldn't take Ed out of my head.
I try to be very clear with people about what I want and how I feel but I feel that with men that doesn't necessarily works to my advantage.
More often than not I am misunderstood and in the end I am the one that suffers the consequences.
Is there a way to make it work? Can women and men communicate effectively some how?
If there is such a way... I certainly have not been clever enough to figure it out.