Okay so I am in this relationship that isn't going anywhere. I feel more comfortable calling him my roommate than my fiance. I hate it when he tries to spend time with me after pretty much ignoring me for a whole week. It doesn't seem genuine nor true. It feels more like something he is doing to make himself feel better because he knows that he has not been there for me for many days in a row. So in a few words, this is triggered by guilt.
I finally have a simple but efficient routine at night to deal with the loneliness that is thrust upon me every day and he wants to mess it up by "trying" to spend time with me. It really irritates me. It irritates me so much that I have to blog it because unfortunately I can' talk to him about my feelings. It always turns into me crying and he telling me all the things he knows I am or could be but that I really am not at the time. So basically he wants somebody else. I understand that, why doesn't he? And I've been very clear that I will NOT CHANGE just because he thinks I should. I am happy with who I am however I am not happy with the way he behaves.
I feel a little bit better now. He sends this stupid email about the stages of a relationship and the steps to identify problems or some stupid thing like that. As if I couldn't do a google search and find the same stuff. But they are just words. At least we can all agree after reading those that I resent him a lot. I resent him in many ways. I voice my problems to him and it makes me resent him even more. it makes me mad, and it obstructs my happiness.
Wow, what a screwed up relationship?
