Misplaced feelings

Well... spending time near children always reinforces my decision to never become a biological mother. For some reason, in the middle of a report at work, I thought of how my ex (princess) blamed his cheating and getting a woman pregnant on me because he wanted to pass on his genes and he wanted to give his mom a grandson but since I didn't want to have kids he thought he would just sleep with that woman.   I mean... what a jerk, right?
I have always felt that if he really wanted to be with me because he loved me, he would have never been able to sleep with someone else with the intention of making a baby. Why would he want to have a baby with somebody else if he loved me? That makes no sense, right? So, I have to rule out love and stick with .... (blank).

As if I never had the wish to have children... I suppose I wouldn't be a healthy woman if I was completely disconnected with that side of my being but you know what? I believe that it would be extremely selfish and narcissistic to make a new baby when there are so many little babies who new parents because they've lost theirs (for whatever reason). Aren't we a cruel species? Wait... hold that thought. Wolves eat females' puppies so I guess we're not AS cruel in that instance. Can you imagine a man eating a woman's baby just to mate with her? That's messed up!!!

I have to be strong and make sure that my integrity and my beliefs aren't questioned by anybody, including myself. However,  sometimes it's too easy to do it.

I had a conversation with my BF's dad this weekend and he said that he doesn't believe in the idea that men and women get together sexually but without wanting to procreate with each other. The idea that you'd want to have sex with someone but not have a baby with them seems selfish and it's like you're not serious about the other person.

I wonder how much truth there is in his idea. That wanting to have a kid with someone would bring you closer to them. I have to look at society to know that that's not true.  Why do religious groups believe that if you don't have kids with someone it must be because you lead a life of sin? What is up with that? What about the women who end up doing nothing more than working as maids for a man and their children. What about women's opportunities to work and to study. Why is there such a burden to us and why is this big sacrifice expected of us and us alone?

Anyway... cheating is bad and sex without getting pregnant is good. I don't care what the world says. Having kids just to pass on your genes is bad. Sleeping with someone to pass on your genes without intending to marry her and be there for the child is SO WRONG...

I've had a messed up life...